return my video game
My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
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