Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
Randomize
