god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
Randomize
