Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
