to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
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