Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Randomize
