I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
Randomize
