dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
