That's intense
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
Randomize
