sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Randomize
