Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
I did not marry a roomba.
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