Apparently you make a good broom.
Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
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