it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
