Please, let me fuck your mom
He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Randomize
