i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
