just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
I need to wash the frat house off of me
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Randomize