sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
Randomize
