Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
Randomize
