Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
Randomize
