I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
