is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
Where is the hickey?
Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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