that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
