you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
