I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
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