yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Randomize
