I think I am morally bankrupt
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize
