I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
Randomize
