Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
Randomize
