omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
