PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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