She said her name was "party"
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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