Just fell off a train. Bad.
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
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