Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
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