evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
I'm gonna fight the coyote
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
Randomize
