my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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