I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
Why is your signature on my underwear?
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize
