You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
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