I can't watch pbs sober anymore
Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
I'm way too hungover for life right now
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Randomize
