And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
Princesses don't give blow jobs
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Randomize
