$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
I wish there were birth control emojis
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
