There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
