He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
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