Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
Randomize
