I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
I DEMAND FORESKIN
Randomize
