someone owes me an orgasm
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
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