the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
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