I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
that's an acceptable place to lick
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
Dicks are not precious.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
