Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
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