i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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