took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Randomize
