Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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